so if you’re anything like me, being broke is your aesthetic because you consistently have no money because you can’t stop spending it on ~*experiences*~ (take that you materialistic baby boomers). and while experiences ,e.g. concerts, dinner dates with friends, plane tickets to nowhere (long story), a really good sub, are your favorite reason to live, they won’t exactly pay for your avocado obsession next school year.

now we all can’t be living the dream, listening to mac miller, and getting the tan of our lives while lifeguarding at a fancy pool like my roommate Mary, so the rest of us schmucks have to rely on our poorly written resumes and begging skills to get us a summer job that’ll help pay for maybe a semester’s rent in a cardboard box somewhere.

and if you haven’t been conned into a pyramid scheme selling knives yet, your summer job search will go one of six ways.

1.you didn’t even need to search for a job because your summer plans were already planned out for you. maybe it’s an internship that’s helping you get a kickstart on life to slap under that “relevant experience” header on your resume. maybe your old high school job was chill with you coming back and working for a few months because they missed you THAT much. maybe your parent, family member, or friend have connections and got you into their workplace. maybe you’re studying abroad and couldn’t care less about getting a job. regardless of the reason, you’re living the good life and now you’re getting that bread without a care in the world. i’m proud of you.

2. you get ghosted. now this ghosting hurts more than when brad blocked you on snap, instagram, AND twitter that time. you apply, get that confirmation email and then never hear from them again. zip. nada. nothing. and to make matters worse. you were, like, totally into that job and were looking forward to that employee discount. then you go back to the job search a week later and see that they posted that they’re looking for new employees and hour ago. wow. the betrayal. they couldn’t have even sent you an automated email. this hurts more than that time your friend sent you a screenshot of brad’s subtweet about your dinner date.

3. you miss the red flags. you find a job that pays well, has great hours, and looks like a good time. too good to be true? could this be the one? the one who you’ve been searching for? the chosen one? your soulmate? nope, it’s like a 40 minute or more drive away so you’d basically be spending your paycheck on gas. or you’re not qualified enough because they only want people who already have degrees? wow should’ve seen the red flags before it was too late.

4. it’s…complicated. they actually answer! (wow a text back for a change) and you finally get those digits to set up an interview. you dial the number and put on your best customer service voice….and get put on hold for a bit. and by a bit i mean kinda a long time? and then when they finally get back to you, they tell you to call back later during the late afternoon/night in case the hiring manager comes in during that time. so you do that. and then the first question you get asked is “are you planning on returning back to school in the fall?” to which you respond yes because if you didn’t your mom would probably disown you right then and there. and then the hiring manager hits you with that “oh well we’re looking for a long term commitment, sorry” and they hang up.

now this may seem oddly specific but I’ll tell you that this exact exchange has happened to me four times now. plus I even write that i’m only here for the summer and I only left my other job because I moved home from summer break? why yall gotta raise my hopes like that. it hurts every time.

5. you get hit with that cold hard sting of rejection. maybe they responded 24 hours later. maybe they responded 3 days later. maybe they responded a month and a half later. sure that automated rejection email hurt, but it doesn’t matter because you’ve moved on to bigger and better minimum wage jobs. a job I applied for while procrastinating during finals season just rejected me yesterday. keep shooting your shot kid because then something might stick.

6. you’re still unemployed! and you’re watching the women’s world cup or some other daytime tv show or movie and actually getting your necessary water intake because you have nothing better to do than calculate your recommended water intake or snack on everything in sight. indeed.com becomes your best friend and your life is spent switching between snapchat, instagram and twitter until your phone dies over and over again. but at least you’re on your way to clear skin, right?

and after the long search, you finally secure that bag. because if it’s meant to be, it’ll be right? god’s plan or whatever. I haven’t made it to this step but if you have, good for you. i’m proud. and if you haven’t, we’ll get there someday kid. good luck. go yeet that wheat. 🙂

kasual kook x